A Letter from Chris Suarez
RELATIONSHIPS ARE ORGANIC
We often hear the expression that relationships are organic. And that is true. But incorrectly, that can cause us to believe that they will grow and develop naturally - that our relationships will continue to produce good fruit just based on time. It allows us to be passive instead of proactive when it comes to them. We fall into relationship building based on common expressions. We go with the flow. We let things play out. We are convinced that time heals all wounds. They are organic after all.
We do a bit of organic farming and we raise organic grapes on our Oregon property. I wish it was as easy as you might think. But it doesn’t just happen. In fact it takes more work, more nurturing, more attention, and more time to grow anything organically.
We fight bugs, and birds, and animals, and rain, and cold, and smoke. We fight sun, and wind, and gophers, and drought. It would be a lot easier to use some quick pesticides, fertilizers, chemicals, and traps. But it's not the type of vegetable or fruit I am looking for. This got me thinking.
Each year in December, I do an annual review of how experientially I lived. I pull the six pillars that I believe make up my life - career, relationships, wealth, personal growth, health, and spirituality - and I get real with how I’ve done with each of those. I had some wins and a few losses this year. That is not atypical. I don’t expect to exceed all expectations on all six pillars each year.
As I looked at each of my relationships, I realized a few of those I was allowed to just happen organically. Perhaps I wasn’t as intentional as I have been in year’s past.
In viticulture - or grape growing - the vines will always keep growing. But perhaps they aren’t being shaped exactly how I would intend them to be shaped. Early on, you must decide how you intend to grow the vine and manage the vine. At our small hobby vineyard I use a Cane Pruning technique to keep the vines organized, healthy, neat, and looking good. Without that attention, the vines will get unruly, overgrown, unhealthy, and ultimately produce fewer grapes and lower quality fruit.
Our relationships are incredibly similar. Each of our relationships will keep growing with or without a lot of focused attention and pruning. This year, for me, one of those was with my oldest daughter. I like to say “oldest daughter” so I don’t have to say “teenager”. I think it makes me feel younger.
As I reviewed my “relationships pillar” I realized I needed to be more intentional about whether that relationship was being farmed organically, or just let to run wild organically. So this weekend I snuck out at the end of the year for a few days with my little girl. Naturally, we are different people; and it’s important for me not only to accept that but to also show interest in what she likes. And so I set out for a couple days in New York seeing the world through her 15 year old eyes - we went to the parts of the city she likes, the stores she likes, the restaurants she likes, the shows she likes. I took her shopping, and skating, and eating, and shopping, and eating… We visited more thrift stores in Brooklyn that I can count, more shops on 5th Avenue than I've ever been to in a lifetime, stopped into more blog inspired restaurants that one person could eat in, and stayed up till 1 and 2 AM watching K-Dramas (who knew this was a thing).
More importantly over the few days, we spent hours walking through the city and talking about things she wanted to talk about, laughing about the things that make her laugh, learning about things she has studied, and at times spending some money on things that only she would spend money on. We went to the stores she wanted to go to. We went to the section of the bookstore that she wanted to go to. We went to the coffee shops that she wanted to go to. We went to the show that she wanted to go to. It was me demonstrating to her and myself that I can meet her where she is at. It proved that although we may be very different people, the relationship between a father and a daughter is incredible. That all organic relationships will take work and sacrifice and that they always need to be attended, pruned, watered, weeded, and loved.
There is an old Bible Proverb that says, “My fruitage is better than gold… and what I produce is better than the finest silver.” Good fruit only comes with hard work. Relationships are hard work. Remember, "organic" doesn't mean "natural". It means hard work. But experiencing those relationships and feeling that hard work makes it all worth it. It only takes a day or two of complete focus to remind us how critical each of those six pillars are on the journey of a truly experiential life. A few days won’t perfect any of them - especially not a relationship. But a few days can serve as a brilliant reminder of just how important a relationship was, is, could be, or always will be.
Chris