A Letter from Chris Suarez

THE KEY TO CONFIDENCE

Good Morning Team,

This week while working on a project,  I was able to spend some time with a few business owners from different industries.  While I interviewed them I was looking for what the root cause of their success has been over a period of one year, five years, ten years, and in one case over a series of decades.  

I have long held the belief that one of the most consistent qualities of high performers is confidence.  This has been confirmed again and again through personal observation, working alongside high performers for the past twenty years, as well as some focused research on performance over the last few years..  

Recently, I revisited the work and writing of Brendon Burchard in High Performance Habits, a book that he spent about a decade researching and interviewing for.  One of the six habits he found to be consistent in all high performers is the demonstration of courage.  Fair enough.  

But as he unpackaged where they found courage, he wrote this:  "The people who are more likely to act courageous are those who: love mastering challenges, perceive themselves as assertive, perceive themselves as confident, perceive themselves as high performers....”

So if high performance is tied so closely to confidence, then where does confidence come from?  Let's first define it:

“The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.”

Confidence shows up in our world when we are sure that we can accomplish the task in front of us, we are sure that we can finish what we started, we are sure we can hit the goal we set for ourselves.

Some of us immediately hear that and think, “YES! That’s me.”  Well don’t worry, we’ll come back to you in just a moment.  

But what if we are struggling right now with that?  Where can we go or what can we do to find that confidence, build that confidence, or reconnect with that confidence that we’ve lost?

First, don't fall for the myth that confidence comes from winning.  Our confidence is not tied to the result of the game.  You need only watch a few NBA basketball games to realize that there are some incredibly confident basketball players who don’t do a lot of winning.  

Rather, confidence is built by simply being consistent.  Proving to ourselves that we can show up at the same time each day and do the same thing each day will build confidence.  Simply showing up leads to our self-confidence.  

Why does that work?  Because remember, confidence stems from the assurance "that we can rely on someone" (even ourselves) and is built thru "appreciation of our own ability".  It is impossible to do something consistently over time and not get better at it, in effect increasing our own ability.  So as we can begin to rely on ourselves to show up, and at the same time we experience our ability improving, confidence is a natural byproduct.  Consistency = Confidence.

Another way to describe consistency is “time on task over time”.  It's showing up every day at the same time to do the same thing.  

I call this a performance loop, and I look for these loops in my business life, my personal life, my health life. 

For example if I wake up at the same time every single morning and work out, then I don't worry about the results. I don't worry about whether or not I am getting stronger, my abs are getting more defined, or my chest is getting bigger.  The physical loop will take care of it.  I'm confident of that. 

 If I finish my workout and make the same healthy green smoothie every morning, then I don't worry about the results.  I don't worry about whether or not my body fat index is going down or if my energy level is going up. The health loop will take care of it.  I am confident of that.   

If I stand in front of my desk at the same time every day and have conversations with business owners that I believe I can help through partnership, then I don't worry about the results.  I don't worry about whether or not someone chooses to partner, or coach with our company, or join our firm, or hire me.  The business loop will take care of it.  I am confident of that.  

If I sit down and have dinner with my family every day, and listen to my children talk about their day every single evening, and hug them and kiss them and pray with them every single night, then I don't worry about the result. The relationship loop will take care of it.  I am confident of that.

Imagine how you feel when you have business confidence, and physical confidence, and health confidence, and relationship confidence.  Confidence doesn’t come from the results we are after or obtain.  If we are waiting for the result to feel confident, then we’ve broken the loop, and won't find it.  Confidence comes not from winning or succeeding or arriving, but rather by the performance itself.  Performance loops will build confidence.  The result eventually becomes the confirmation.  

Well, that seems simple enough.  What gets in the way?  Confidence is based on belief.  Not faith, but belief.  You must believe that you are on the right loop in the right place with the right people.  It is what we have built our entire business around.  If we believe we aren't doing the right things, in the right place, with the right people, our confidence will wane.  Every day we choose not to show up, or break our schedule, or allow something to get in our way, ultimately we put our confidence at risk.  

On the other side of the coin, our confidence can edge toward overconfidence, which is equally problematic.  Overconfidence can easily lead to arrogance.  One of the core values in all of our companies is HUMILITY.  Can we be both confident and still display humility?  

Again let's define that.  Being humble involves "having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance”.  

In contrast, being arrogant involves finding ourselves "full of self-importance…with a feeling of superiority over others.”  We’ve all met that person.  Perhaps they came to mind as you read the definition. 

This does not mean we need to have a low estimate of one’s own value…but rather importance.  A couple of months ago I wrote about the importance of getting into nature to Redefine Your Perspective and remind ourselves of how small we are in front of an ocean, a mountain, or even a city for that matter.    It is incredibly healthy to keep our perspective of our “own importance” in check.  All of us bring incredible value to the world in different ways.  It is wise to keep our "self-importance" in check.  

I have found the most brilliant business people are incredibly humble, yet are also very clear about their value.  Their confidence is attractive because it is built on consistency not on a sense of importance.  They have confidence in themselves.  They believe in themselves.  They show up for themselves.  

We build that confidence every single day.  We begin as soon as we wake each morning.  That first choice…leads to the second choice…which leads to the third.  At each choice we have the ability to either find our confidence, build our confidence, or lose our confidence.  I have long held the belief that one of the most consistent qualities of high performers is confidence.  That belief continues.  

Confidently yours,

Chris Suarez