A LETTER FROM CHRIS SUAREZ

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT OF YOURSELF?

We all have expectations. We expect things from our kids. We expect things from our partners. We expect things from our friends. We expect things from companies we buy products from and expect things from restaurants that we go to for a meal. We expect things of the people we hire and of the people that hire us.

More importantly we expect things of ourselves. 

What happens when our kids, our partners, our friends, the companies we engage with, the restaurants we go to, or those we hire or hire us don’t meet our expectations? What do we feel in that moment? Missed expectations are unsettling. Unmet expectations  lead to frustration and letdown. We can easily become disillusioned, dissatisfied, and disappointed. If left unchecked or unaddressed we slowly - or quickly - disconnect from those people or situations.  Mostly we do that to protect ourselves, to shield ourselves from those emotions. 

More importantly when we miss our own expectations we have set for ourselves, we begin to self sabotage or even self loathe. We become disappointed with ourselves, frustrated with ourselves, and even disconnect from ourselves and who we really are.

Here is a three step framework to make sure our expectations are not setting the wrong tone for how we are experiencing life and feeling about ourselves:

1.Check in and acknowledge where the expectations came from in the first place. Are they really our own expectations? Were they implied or given to us by someone else and we automatically accepted them as our own? A very visible social media-filled life can infiltrate our expectations even without us noticing. We start judging ourselves against expectations that never should have been our basis point. Unconscious expectations are the ones we want to avoid.

2. Recalibrate expectations consciously. If you are going to work off of a set of expectations, know clearly what they are, why they matter to you, and who you are becoming in order to meet those expectations. Taking a moment to reflect why you have certain financial goals, achievement goals, even personal physical goals is an important part of the reset process. Acknowledge which expectations have been set by people that do not matter, or influenced by people we do not know. Have you intentionally set those, or have they been assimilated? If they matter, keep them. If they don’t matter, reset your personal expectations.

3.Set a regular routine to check in on how we are connecting to our self expectations. It’s easy for our expectations to change slowly and then suddenly. We are bombarded with other people’s ideas, perspectives, and influence daily. If we don’t do a regular check up on how we are judging ourselves or the metrics that we are working off of, the slide can begin.

This simple three step framework is a starting point to build self-worth, self-respect, and self-development.

This isn’t to infer that having lower expectations will lead to happier and more fulfilling lives. Research has shown that setting high expectations leads us to achievement and fulfilment. The goal is to make sure you are setting those, or have mentors that truly care about you to help you set those. There is a fine balance of expecting enough of ourselves, and expecting too much. The negative effects of either side of that pendulum are dangerous.

So what do you expect of yourself?

Acknowledge. Reset. Check in.  

Chris Suarez